I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised at how many haikus dealt specifically with bodily excretions and the removal/cleanup thereof. And I’m having another crap day - sorry I don’t have the time to do the usual drawn-out, picture-heavy wrapup, but here were my personal faves:
Cat:
Hands down, my worst job
working in a nursing home
sea of death and shit
(I just love the last line. Love it.)
AC:
daycare wasn't great
shit, piss, vomit, germs galore
for minimum wage
(continuing in the Bodily Excrement Theme, this one takes the Most Graphic prize, even though Cat gave that area a serious run…)
JPX:
"Go rake the sand traps"
My boss didn't respect me
I had the last laugh
(But how? HOW? Totally hanging here…did you pee in the sand trap? Not rake it? What?)
JSP:
Bathroom attendant
Smells poop then hands out towel
Where's the dignity?
(So true. I also loved “A smell unholy,” which could easily have been written as “An unholy smell,” but is so much more brilliant the first way…)
Octo:
The luggage warehouse
Hand caught in conveyor belt
Really scarred for life
(this inspired a few other funny ‘kus, but it also reminded me of that Far Side cartoon of Einstein playing basketball – “an ankle injury diverted him into a life of science.”)
Mr. AC:
Post-two-thousand-twelve
Mayan Calendar Maker
Not much future there
(totally hilarious, and I wanted MORE from the Mister :)
THE WINNER:
Whirlygirl’s quintet of Boss John haikus were amazing. Each one could stand alone, but together, they equal a sum greater than the parts. Much like the Star Wars movies do not do. The Empire Strikes Back of the bunch, also coincidentally the second:
Scared to lift the seat
Might find an unpleasant treat
Boss was in the john
Just sums up everything about “Crap Jobs” that you could possibly imagine. Plus it's got rhythm, it's got rhyme; it almost sounds like something you'd sing at summer camp. I’m awarding Whirlygirl the prize in the hope against hope that she doesn’t have to abdicate the throne again, and that her computer doesn’t crap out on her. I’ve now gone two whole phrases saying “throne” and “crap” without referencing Boss John. That was pretty hard to do.
Congratulations, Whirly! I hope your computer works next week!
