The fate of mankind is in the hands of a fallen archangel, a baby and a bunch of yahoos holed up in a New Mexican diner together. - Should have been the tagline
I knew precious little about this movie going into it. One glance at the poster and naturally I assumed the story involved a homosexual angel searching for a good time but ultimately finding true love. So I was quite pleased to discover that my friend had in fact selected an apocalyptic last-stand Night of the Living Dead style shoot-em-up for movie night. First let me get this out of the way; Legion is a spectacular failure of a film. It systematically squanders every good idea in the script. The number of inconsistencies, plot holes and unanswered questions rival only those in the Bible itself. The characters are mostly insufferable. Rather than focusing on the part of the story that actually interests the audience – the events that inspired God’s decision to slaughter the entire human race – first time director Scott Stewart tortures his audience with character buildup that goes nowhere and the exploration of the relationships of the rag tag fools. I yearned for a boardroom scene in which God weighed the pros and cons of genocide. Instead I spent most of my time with World’s Bitchiest Mom, Generic Waitress, Annoying Black Guy, Nice Black Guy, Boring Guy, Snotty Girl and a couple of other clowns. Throw in a guy named Jeep (I shit you not), some subtle pro-life proselytizing and you’ve got yourself an abomination for the ages, right?
Nuh-uh! For reasons I can’t really defend, I found Legion highly enjoyable. First of all, I’m a well documented sucker for religious horror films. Satan movies are generally a reliable bundle of joy but I found the notion of the angry, vengeful God possibly even more appealing. After all, the whimsical, egomaniacal, petty, sadistic, unreasonable, vengeful prick of the Old Testament is rarely depicted on film. Instead we’re usually served that nice bearded fella or George Fucking Burns. (If you made the mistake of clicking on that link then congratulations - you’ve just witnessed the graphic rape and murder of a Beatles classic!)
Anyway, what did the humans do to deserve extinction? The best answer provided (during the opening AND closing credits mind you) is that the Creator was “sick of all the bullshit, I guess”. Alright then. Why are the demons or zombies or whatever the hell they are virtually invulnerable in one scene but easily killable in the next? (Shrugs.) Why is the baby of a white trash chain-smoker so significant? Fucked if I know. What I do know is that Legion took the same winning formula of Dawn of the Dead, From Dusk Till Dawn, The Mist and countless others, put a sloppy but intriguing spin on it and well, it held my attention.
