After a British student discovers that the death of his father is related to six million dollars in Nazi gold hidden in the Sahara desert, he assembles a group of friends to retrieve the booty. I would have considered such a treasure hunt prohibitively dangerous even without flesh-eating Nazi zombies protecting it but Robert is clearly braver than me. The dangers posed by the military, dehydration, pirates and zombies don’t stop the gang from pursuing their goal, nor do they prevent everyone from getting nekked and making out awkwardly at any given moment. (The actors are so aware of the camera during the sex scenes that you have no choice but to turn away and blush.)
The Nazi zombies themselves are somewhat menacing despite the fact that the makeup appears to have been purchased at Spencer Gifts. (The paper machete over the eyes is a nice touch that gives the undead that “crusty” look.) Whenever the zombies appear, a highly irritating Ummugumma sounding organ is played.
Previously I used a bunk firework to describe the way Zombie Diaries fizzled out and I’m going to continue to drive that metaphor into the ground. Great zombie flicks and fireworks displays alike should culminate with a memorable grand finale. I am more than willing to devote an hour of my time to stock footage, poor acting and juvenile storytelling as long as I’m rewarded with a dazzling spectacle in the end. No such luck here. The ending is so forgettable that I forgot it, rewound it, watched it again and then forgot it again.
Finally I was miffed that there is an option to watch Oasis of the Zombies in its original French language and yet there are no subtitles available. Hence if you want to enjoy this movie and don’t speak fluent French, you must endure a piss-poorly dubbed audio track. The laziness of the voiceovers (picture the worst 70’s kung fu flick - it’s lazier) strips the movie of any dignity it may have once held.
The more I write about it the more I realize just how serious of an abomination this movie really is. And yet I can’t in good conscience give it less than **, simply because I was in the right mood at the time.
